waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
