Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
