I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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