all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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