he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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