I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
