there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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