I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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