i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
