This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
