I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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