I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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