i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The air was thick with penises
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
