He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
