We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
