I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
