But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you traded sex for a burrito?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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