If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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