Taylor Swift is so right about you.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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