he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
