whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
