If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Randomize
