I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
