ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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