Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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