Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
