Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
