last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
