Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
