There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
