i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
