I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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