i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
