thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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