Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
