New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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