WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
