first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
