I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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