It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
