theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
