I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
