if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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