is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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