You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
