Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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