YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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