I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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