So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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