Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
