I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
