Nicole vs. Life
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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